Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
