So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
