Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
