Moan for me like Helen Keller
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
