we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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