Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
