It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
This girl is more easily done than said...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
