why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
