I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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