i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
