Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
