Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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