I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
