did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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