I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
