The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
