i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
