I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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