You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
