I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm really busy with my period
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