i can't believe i had my finger in that
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
