Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
