I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
