Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I yelled at your uterus for you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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