go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
