whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
