Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
