In the future we'll all be gay
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
