dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
