you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
