dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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