weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
