Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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