i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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