I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
