im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize