idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Farmville is her only friend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
