Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize