I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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