I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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