God, you're like boner-b-gone
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Someone signed my nipple.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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