We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
