I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
