Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel great
I just peed on a car
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
