Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
