So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
