Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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