Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
