i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
