this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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