No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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