So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
