how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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