Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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