With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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