i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
accomplished twins. life is a go
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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