so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
