is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
