he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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