Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
