carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
