Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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