I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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